"One awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game... During the 7th inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez."
--DAVID LETTERMAN
"I mean in a way Obama's standing above the country, above – above the world, he's sort of God."
--EVAN THOMAS
"I understand that during [Sonia Sotomayor's] career, she's written hundreds and hundreds of opinions. I haven't read a single one of them, and if I'm fortunate before we end this, I won't have to read one of them."
--HARRY REID
"I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life."
--SONIA SOTOMAYOR
"We all considered sexual abuse of minors as a moral evil, but had no understanding of its criminal nature."
--REMBERT WEAKLAND
"Yes, [I am accusing the CIA of] misleading the Congress of the United States, misleading the Congress of the United States. I am."
--NANCY PELOSI
"You know, you might want to look into this, [President Obama], because I think maybe Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker, but he was so strung out on Oxycontin he missed his flight."
"Rush Limbaugh -- 'I hope the country the fails.' I hope his kidneys fail."
----------------------------
"[Obama] told me I did a great job. The first lady said the same thing. I got a 'well done' from the president, I'm on cloud nine."
--WANDA SYKES
"I think what Rush does as an entertainer diminishes the party and intrudes or inserts into our public life a kind of nastiness that we would be better to do without."
"Americans are looking for more government in their life, not less."
--COLIN POWELL
"If we had pursued the war on cancer which President Nixon declared in 1970, Jack Kemp might be alive today."
--ARLEN SPECTER
"I would tell members of my family – and I have – I wouldn't go anywhere in confined places now. It's not that it's going to Mexico. It's you're in a confined aircraft. When one person sneezes, it goes all the way through the aircraft. That's me. I would not be, at this point - if they had another way of transportation – suggesting they ride the subway.
"Um... So, from my perspective, what it relates to is mitigation. If you're out in the middle of a field when someone sneezes, that's one thing. If you're in a closed aircraft or closed container or closed car or closed classroom, it's a different thing."
--JOE BIDEN
"[Tea Party goers are] just a bunch of wimpy, whiny, weasels who don't love their country."
--PAUL BEGALA
"Reagan's dead and he was a lousy President."
--KEITH OLBERMANN
"I wonder... if the Republican Party really wants to be branded right now as the party of tax cuts and torture? I mean that's what they're selling."
--CHRIS MATTHEWS
"[A]t a certain point I don't think we'll be so consumed with being the pre-eminent super-power and, you know, driven by sort of militarism and this need to export, you know, democracy and so forth."
--RON HOWARD
"I wouldn't want [gay marriage] to go to the United States Supreme Court now because that homophobe Antonin Scalia has too many votes on this current court."
--BARNEY FRANK
"Nice to see a little diversity for a change. We have an African-American president, a female Speaker of the House, and there's the white guy, Bob."
--KATIE COURIC
"Going forward, my mind will be open to every solution -- except one. We should not -- we must not -- and I will not -- raise taxes."
--JIM DOYLE, Liar
"I am not resigning now because I have done nothing wrong."
----------------------------
"I've got this thing. And it's f---ing golden. I'm just not giving it up for f---ing nothing. I'm not going to do it. I can always use it. I can parachute me there."
"F--- [Obama]. For nothing? F--- him."
--ROD BLAGOJEVICH
"I'm a liberal, I was born a liberal, I'll be one till I die. What else should a reporter be when you see so much and when we have such great privilege and access to the truth?"
--HELEN THOMAS
"Unlike Afghanistan, Iraq was a war of choice that provoked strong differences in my country and around the world. Although I believe that the Iraqi people are ultimately better off without the tyranny of Saddam Hussein, I also believe that events in Iraq have reminded America of the need to use diplomacy and build international consensus to resolve our problems whenever possible." (Note: The Iraqi people are better off because of the service and sacrifice of American troops. No apology is necessary.)
----------------------------
"And one of the points I want to make is, is that if you actually took the number of Muslim Americans, we’d be one of the largest Muslim countries in the world." (Note: That's a false statement.)
"My father was basically agnostic, as far as I can tell." (Note: That appears to be a false statement. Obama's deputy National Security Adviser for Strategic Communications Denis McDonough says that Obama's father was Muslim.)
----------------------------
"I want to be very clear, that we are resolved to halt the rise of PRIVACY in that region."
----------------------------
"My administration is the only thing between you (bank CEOs) and the pitchforks."
----------------------------
"We could set up systems so that everybody in each house have their own smart meters that will tell you when to turn off the lights, when the peak hours are, can help you sell back energy that you've generated in your home through a solar panel or through other mechanisms."
----------------------------
"There's gotta be a little gallows humor to (LAUGHS) get you through the day."
----------------------------
"It's like -- it was like Special Olympics, or something."
----------------------------
"What I’m looking at is not the day-to-day gyrations of the stock market, but the long-term ability for the United States and the entire world economy to regain its footing."
----------------------------
"Yesterday, Jim, the head of Caterpillar, said that if Congress passes our plan, this company will be able to rehire some of the folks who were just laid off."
----------------------------
"You can't just listen to Rush Limbaugh and get things done."
----------------------------
"I won. I will trump you on that." (Obama to GOP)
Note: Where's that new tone? Where's that promise of bipartisanship, Barack?
----------------------------
"In terms of speaking to former presidents, I've spoken to all of them that are living. Obviously, President Clinton -- I didn't want to get into a Nancy Reagan thing about, you know, doing any seances."
----------------------------
"I am going to teach [my daughters] first about values and morals, but if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby."
----------------------------
"[J]ust to take a, sort of a realist perspective... there's a lot of change going on outside of the Court, um, that, that judges essentially have to take judicial notice of. I mean you've got World War II, you've got uh, uh, uh, the doctrines of Nazism, that, that we are fighting against, that start looking uncomfortably similar to what we have going on, back here at home."
----------------------------
"We cannot continue to rely only on our military in order to achieve the national security objectives that we've set. We've got to have a civilian national security force that's just as powerful, just as strong, just as well-funded."
----------------------------
"It's not that I want to punish your success. I just want to make sure that everybody who is behind you, that they've got a chance for success too. My attitude is that if the economy's good for folks from the bottom up, it's gonna be good for everybody ... I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody."
----------------------------
"John McCain and Sarah Palin they call this (spreading the wealth around) socialistic. You know, I don't know when, when they decided they wanted to make a virtue out of selfishness."
----------------------------
"Over the last 15 months, we’ve traveled to every corner of the United States. I’ve now been in 57 states? I think one left to go. Alaska and Hawaii, I was not allowed to go to even though I really wanted to visit, but my staff would not justify it."
--BARACK OBAMA
"He's a terrorist. Rush Limbaugh is a terrorist."
--JOY BEHAR
"You know, I just want to say to her (Sarah Palin), just very quickly...F--- you."
--JON STEWART
"There is no question that western Pennsylvania is a racist area."
--JOHN MURTHA
"And let me tell you something -- for the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country. And not just because Barack has done well, but because I think people are hungry for change. And I have been desperate to see our country moving in that direction and just not feeling so alone in my frustration and disappointment."
--MICHELLE OBAMA
"You are the instruments that God is gonna use to bring about universal change, and that is why Barack has captured the youth. And he has involved young people in a political process that they didn’t care anything about. That’s a sign. When the Messiah speaks, the youth will hear, and the Messiah is absolutely speaking."
--LOUIS FARRAKHAN
"Should I be worried about being a slave and being returned to slavery?"
--WHOOPI GOLDBERG
"I also believe that America is the greatest sin against God."
--FR. MICHAEL PFLEGER
"I'd like to tip off law enforcement to an even larger child-abusing religious cult. Its leader also has a compound, and this guy not only operates outside the bounds of the law, but he used to be a Nazi and he wears funny hats. That's right, the Pope is coming to America this week and, ladies, he's single."
"If you have a few hundred followers, and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a billion, they call you 'Pope.' It's like, if you can't pay your mortgage, you're a deadbeat. But if you can't pay a million mortgages, you're Bear Stearns and we bail you out. And that is who the Catholic Church is: the Bear Stearns of organized pedophilia -- too big, too fat."
"When the current Pope was in his previous Vatican job as John Paul's Dick Cheney, he wrote a letter instructing every Catholic bishop to keep the sex abuse of minors secret until the Statute of Limitations ran out. And that's the Church's attitude: 'We're here, we're queer, get used to it,' which is fine, far be it from me to criticize religion. But just remember one thing: If the Pope was -- instead of a religious figure -- merely the CEO of a nationwide chain of day care centers, where thousands of employees had been caught molesting kids and then covering it up, he'd be arrested faster than you can say 'who wants to touch Mr. Wiggle?'"
--BILL MAHER
"Those who think they can revive the stinking corpse of the usurping and fake Israeli regime by throwing a birthday party are seriously mistaken. Today the reason for the Zionist regime's existence is questioned, and this regime is on its way to annihilation."
--MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD
"We'll be eight degrees hotter in ten, not ten but 30 or 40 years and basically none of the crops will grow. Most of the people will have died and the rest of us will be cannibals."
--TED TURNER
"We will continue to make the necessary improvements so that citizens of Milwaukee can be confident in their elections."
--TOM BARRETT
"Look, [Mitt] Romney comes from a religion founded by a criminal who was anti-American, pro-slavery, and a rapist. And he comes from that lineage and says, 'I respect this religion fully.'"
--LAWRENCE O'DONNELL
"The United States is like Count Dracula who at six o'clock in the morning has not sucked [any necks]."
--HUGO CHAVEZ
[The Bush] administration has done the greatest assault on our Constitution perhaps in American history."
--RUSS FEINGOLD
"I invite you to embrace Islam... There are no taxes in Islam, but rather there is a limited Zakaat [alms] totaling 2.5 percent."
--OSAMA BIN LADEN
"Mexico does not end at its borders... Where there is a Mexican, there is Mexico."
--FELIPE CALDERON
"If our children are healthy, they'll develop into their full potential and become wonderful tax-paying citizens sometime."
--STEVE KAGEN
"I just freaked out."
--ERIC HAINSTOCK
"The planet has a fever. If your baby has a fever, you go to the doctor. If the doctor says you need to intervene here, you don't say, 'Well, I read a science fiction novel that told me it's not a problem.' If the crib's on fire, you don't speculate that the baby is flame retardant."
--AL GORE
"Don't fear the terrorists. They're mothers and fathers."
--ROSIE O'DONNELL
"Is America ready for a black president? Well, I say we just had a retarded one. When did being black become a bigger deterrent than being retarded?"
--CHRIS ROCK
"Shut the f--- up! Shut up if you can't take a joke [about President Bush]!"
--BARBRA STREISAND
"Right, oh, yeah, Happy 9/11! Celebrate the day, right?"
--JAMES BROLIN, Mr. Barbra Streisand
"I think President Bush very well may have signed an authorization for the 9/11 attacks."
--KEVIN BARRETT, UW-MADISON Lecturer
"I said what I said. I am not guilty."
--SADDAM HUSSEIN
"Terri will not be starved to death. Her nutrition and hydration will be taken away."
--MICHAEL SCHIAVO
"On the eve of the election last month my wife Judith and I were driving home late in the afternoon and turned on the radio for the traffic and weather. What we instantly got was a freak show of political pornography: lies, distortions, and half-truths -- half-truths being perhaps the blackest of all lies. "
--BILL MOYERS
"I hate the Republicans and everything they stand for."
--HOWARD DEAN
"The Iraqis who have risen up against the occupation are not 'insurgents' or 'terrorists' or 'The Enemy.' They are the REVOLUTION, the Minutemen, and their numbers will grow -- and they will win."
--MICHAEL MOORE
"Shamefully, we now learn that Saddam's torture chambers reopened under new management: US management."
--TED KENNEDY
"When I need to work up my nerve to write a tough column, I try to think of myself as Emma Peel in a black leather catsuit."
--MAUREEN DOWD
"And there is no reason, Bob, that young American soldiers need to be going into the homes of Iraqis in the dead of night, terrorizing kids and children, you know, women, breaking sort of the customs of the--of--the historical customs, religious customs."
--JOHN KERRY
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
--HILLARY CLINTON
"It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is."
--BILL CLINTON
----------------------------
"He looked right into my eyes and he said, 'How can we help? How can we help President Obama?'"
--LAURA RICHARDSON, (D-CA)
"It was almost like listening to an old friend."
"In my household I told Castro he is known as the ultimate survivor."
"We've been led to believe that the Cuban people are not free, and they are repressed by a vicious dictator, and I saw nothing to match what we've been told."
"Fifty years of foolishness is over. It's time for the children to sit in the corner and the adults to take over."
--BOBBY RUSH, (D-IL)
"[Castro was] very engaging, very energetic."
"It was quite a moment to behold."
--BARBARA LEE, (D-CA)
"[Raul Castro] is one of the most amazing human beings I've ever met."
--EMANUEL CLEAVER, (D-MO)
June 17, 2009
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